The Study of Courtship

Good Day Readers, So many questions are arising in our World today that needs to be addressed. Someone once asked me if it’s possible not to have sex in a courtship. I pursed for a minute before replying him that the right questions isn’t what is right or wrong in courtship but what courtship is all about. Dr. Myles Munroe once said that “when the purpose of a thing is not know, the abuse of it is inevitable.” Without a clear knowledge of what courtship is all about, pre-marital sex is almost impossible to prevent. It’s not just a matter of premarital sex but a matter of what should be done during the period. We see it in Hollywood where a man impresses a man and before we know it they go before a court to get married and after two years of marriage they break up with one child who is left with the choice of spending apportioned time with each parent. Your purpose for doing a thing is as important has doing it. Understanding the purpose, principle, Power, Potentials and Rules of Courtship is very necessary in achieve a successful courtship period.
“What God give he calls Purpose, Why he gives, it’s Called PURPOSE”
Going by biblical history, few are the numbers of Biblical accounts stated where courtship took place couple before marriage. Some example are the case of Joseph and Mary the parents of Jesus Christ, and some other few instances in the Old Testament. Really, this needs to be discussed. Adam and Eve never courted be marriage, we don’t know of Abraham and Sarah, Isaac and Rebecca, Jacob and Rachael, and the list goes on. Yet in our world today, it’s expedient for courtship to take place before marriage. Where did this practice come from, why should it be so? When should we Court? For how long should a courtship last? Is it right to break a courtship? What are those things you should look for while courting? These and many more are questions we hope to find answers to in this article. Endeavour to digest every bit of it.
“Can two walk together except they agree”
The Encarta Dictionaries Defines Courtship as the following:
1. Prelude to marriage: the period of a romantic relationship before marriage
2. Trying to gain somebody’s love: the act of paying attention to somebody with a view to developing a more intimate relationship
3. Ingratiating behavior: friendly and often ingratiating attention for the purpose of winning a favor or establishing an alliance or other relationship
WHAT IS COURTSHIP?
Courtship is a pre-marriage learning period.
* Courtship is a period of Self Exploration: most people discover who they are and who their partners really are in courtship. It is a period of discovering each other.
* It is a period of planning: Not just planning for the Wedding day but majorly planning for a blissful home. It is a period when partners get to reveal their goals and plans in life and strategies on how to achieve it.
* It a period of test: it is a compatibility test period. Just because you have chemistry with someone doesn’t make that person compatible with you. There are core values which both of you must share in order to be compatible. When partners don’t share the same core values, conflict and eventual break-up is foreseeable.
* It is a period of building trust.
* It is a period to sort out the past. It is in courtship that we have to uncover our past to our partners, let them know what we were, are and is likely to be. No matter how dark your past might have been, it is your obligation to let your partner know of it, that is why trust is essential in relationship and total disclosure is one of the ways to build that trust. Note this that, the right partner will love you for who you are now and the potentials of your character, not for who you were, so please don’t be afraid to let the past out.
* Courtship is a period to seek guidance. We all need guidance. We need mentors to put us through. Those who have successfully fought their marital battles and have success stories to tell. We need to draw from their well of wisdom and experience.
* It is a period to test your so called love if it can survive the test of time. I do with all my heart recommend at least one year courtship. It does not guarantee success in courtship but helps in discovering hidden habits, characters and natures. True Love will last, but infatuation is terminal. The spark hardly lasts for more than eight months.
* Courtship is period of ironing out issues, differences and.
Some will want to argue it that, it is possible for people to hide their true identity even in a long courtship. I do agree, but, if the other party is very sensitive and objective about the courtship, there will be suspicious symptoms which he/she will take trail of.
WHY IS COURTSHIP NECESSARY?
Courtship isn’t compulsory but necessary. The word necessary depicts that courtship is needful. Jesus Christ the wisest man that ever lived the surface of the earth said, “Who among you will want to build a house, will not sit down at first to count the cost if he can finish it. Which king will want to go into battle with his enemy, would not consider if his army is sure to win the battle.” Courtship is a period to count the cost, to see if you have what it takes to live harmoniously with your partner. “A broken relationship is better than a broken marriage”. To jump into marriage without a successful courtship is going into a life long commitment with a complete stranger. The reason why so many agitate against courtship today is because they lack the true knowledge of what Courtship is all about. So many of us think it is a period for sexual satisfaction or romantic glamour. No, in fact it is the opposite; courtship is the period where you get to talk. “the moment you stop talking in a relationship, you start kissing”.
WHO CAN COURT?
Both parties must be ready for marriage. This is not a boy-friend girl-friend stuff. It is a game for the mature. You don’t court because you feel like, you court because you have to. You must be mature financially, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, socially, Academically, morally, and majorly relation-wise.
FOR HOW LONG SHOULD A COURTSHIP LAST?
Really I wouldn’t want to put a time frame on it, but I will always encourage at least one year courtship. Both parties must agree on the max of the courtship but must ensure they guard against temptation to sexual sin, hope you understand what that means.
WHAT ARE THE THING TO WATCH OUT FOR IN COURTSHIP?
Watch for the following:
* The Spiritual consciousness of your partner.
* The Commitment of your partner to you alone.
* The Trustworthiness of your partner.
* The background of your partner
* The Transparency of your partner. Total disclosure of the both past and present is necessary.
* The goals and purpose of your partners.
* Seek to know the core values of your partner.
* Seek the opinions of both parents and friends on your partner. They might see what your been blinded from.
* Subject your selves to counseling and guidance
* Readiness of your partner to marry.
* Watch carefully the attitude of your partner to common/less priviledge people(that’s the real him/her).
ABOMINATIONS OF COURTSHIP
* Sexual immorality
* Poly-dating
* Concealed agendas
* Stiffness to change
* Biasness or sentimentality
* Godless relationship
It is right to break a courtship when you find out that your core values aren’t compatible.
“Love is a decision, not a feeling”
Conclusively, I will want to put it this way, Courtship is a period when you set agreeable goals which are meant to be the center focus of the intended marriage. Wedding is a day thing, but marriage is a life long commitment. May we all have blissful marriages in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, the author and finisher of all Marriages. Amen
Published By : Osas Joshua Izevbizua
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